Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
