What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
