On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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