Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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