i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
