Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
