More tranny stories later!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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