The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
