Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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