Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
