Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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