my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
