Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
