I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
