I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
