i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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