I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
