its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
