FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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