I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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