Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
