Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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