I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
