I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
