My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
