i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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