It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize