that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
