You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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