Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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