youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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