its not stalking. its research.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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