i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
