Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize