I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hell yes lets make some ravioli
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
