is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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