I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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