I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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