literally had 100 drinks last night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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