i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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