You're my little dorito
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
