He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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