you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
