i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
