Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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