Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Buhtt sex?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
