i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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