Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
