i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
