u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize