You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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