I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
