I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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