you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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