she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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