i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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