my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
