Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
