I faked an abortion last night.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
