You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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