how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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