dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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