Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize