So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
