All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
