I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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