He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
