my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
