I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i now understand why vodka
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
