you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
