The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
