Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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