you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
