Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
