Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
