Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
