Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
