at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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