i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize