As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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