I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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