Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
