Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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