kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
