theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize