Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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