I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
