Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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