My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
