At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
