i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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