i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
