Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
