First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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